The Tina Cohen-Chang Rap
[parody of the Natalie Portman rap]
i’m always bitching and whining about tina’s treatment in Glee, so i decided to make this. if you also feel like tina’s life sucks (which it does) well then this is for you. SORRY I AM NOT A REALLY GREAT RAPPER AS YOU CAN TELL.
lyrics:
INTERVIEWER: We’re sitting here today with Glee Club member Tina Cohen-Chang.
Tina: Hello
INTERVIEWER: So Tina, tell us what a day in the life of Tina Cohen-Chang is like.
Tina: Do you really want to know?
INTERVIEWER: Please, tell us.
[Tina]
I sew costumes mother fucker
For the glee club and their shows
I get Patrón and grey goose
Just to deal with them hoes
(damn Cohen-Chang you’s a crazy lass)
Yo shut the fuck up and kiss my ass
I’m sick and tired of all these whiny bitches mother fucker
Wanna beat their stupid faces, got road rage like a trucker
What you want Tina?
TO HAVE LINES AND SING
What you need Tina?
SOLOS WITH MEANING
Don’t tell me how to dress
when I walk through school
My wardrobe’s full of win
And you’re a fucking tool
Leave you sighing
And all the boys dying
Fuck your ex-boyfriends
It’s my name they be crying
INTERVIEWER: I’m sorry Tina, are we to believe that you hate everyone and think glee club sucks?
Tina: I never said I was a role model.
INTERVIEWER: But, what about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
[Tina]
All the kids looking up to me
Can cry in their sleep
It’s Tina motherfucker
My life’s a trash heap
Everyone
Thinks they’re the fucking sun
I’m put off to the side while they sing with pride.
And to all the glee clubs, you know I’m talking to you
(What is it Tina?)
I FUCKING HATE YOU.
T! It’s for Tina. C! it’s for Chang.
You tell me ching chong ling long
And I’ma rip out your ding dong.
INTERVIEWER: Well Tina, I’m surprised, all this coming from an A+ Asian?
Tina: Well, there’s more to me than just being Asian.
INTERVIEWER: Really, such as?
[Tina]
After school in Glee club
Sang almost every day
But all you see on TV is
stupid Asian cliché
I’m more than just Mike’s girlfriend
I got my own sweet vocals
Life ain’t a fortune cookie
SO FUCK THAT SHIT
[boys]
Tina, you are a bad ass bitch (hell yeah!)
And the writers don’t know how to write you, even in four seasons (Right!)
As for your Glee crew, well they’re a bag of dicks
Will Schuester’s just scared of you.
INTERVIEWER: Tina, one final question. If you could get back together with Mike this season-
Tina: No more questions.
WHAT!
