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jinntantei:

The Tina Cohen-Chang Rap

[parody of the Natalie Portman rap]

image

i’m always bitching and whining about tina’s treatment in Glee, so i decided to make this. if you also feel like tina’s life sucks (which it does) well then this is for you. SORRY I AM NOT A REALLY GREAT RAPPER AS YOU CAN TELL.

lyrics:

INTERVIEWER: We’re sitting here today with Glee Club member Tina Cohen-Chang.

Tina: Hello

INTERVIEWER: So Tina, tell us what a day in the life of Tina Cohen-Chang is like.

Tina: Do you really want to know?

INTERVIEWER: Please, tell us.

 

[Tina]

I sew costumes mother fucker

For the glee club and their shows

I get Patrón and grey goose

Just to deal with them hoes

(damn Cohen-Chang you’s a crazy lass)

Yo shut the fuck up and kiss my ass

 

I’m sick and tired of all these whiny bitches mother fucker

Wanna beat their stupid faces, got road rage like a trucker

 

What you want Tina?

TO HAVE LINES AND SING

What you need Tina?

SOLOS WITH MEANING

 

Don’t tell me how to dress

when I walk through school

My wardrobe’s full of win

And you’re a fucking tool

 

Leave you sighing

And all the boys dying

Fuck your ex-boyfriends

It’s my name they be crying

 

INTERVIEWER: I’m sorry Tina, are we to believe that you hate everyone and think glee club sucks?

Tina: I never said I was a role model.

INTERVIEWER: But, what about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

 

[Tina]

All the kids looking up to me

Can cry in their sleep

It’s Tina motherfucker

My life’s a trash heap

 

Everyone

Thinks they’re the fucking sun

I’m put off to the side while they sing with pride.

 

And to all the glee clubs, you know I’m talking to you

(What is it Tina?)

I FUCKING HATE YOU.

 

T! It’s for Tina. C! it’s for Chang.

You tell me ching chong ling long

And I’ma rip out your ding dong.

 

INTERVIEWER: Well Tina, I’m surprised, all this coming from an A+ Asian?

Tina: Well, there’s more to me than just being Asian.

INTERVIEWER: Really, such as?

 

[Tina]

After school in Glee club

Sang almost every day

But all you see on TV is

stupid Asian cliché

I’m more than just Mike’s girlfriend

I got my own sweet vocals

Life ain’t a fortune cookie

SO FUCK THAT SHIT

 

[boys]

Tina, you are a bad ass bitch (hell yeah!)

And the writers don’t know how to write you, even in four seasons (Right!)

As for your Glee crew, well they’re a bag of dicks

Will Schuester’s just scared of you.

 

INTERVIEWER: Tina, one final question. If you could get back together with Mike this season-

Tina: No more questions.

WHAT!